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Let’s Talk About Love

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What’s your motivation this love season, love or lust? I see love smiling, sashaying around like a fresher on his first day on campus. Now I see love and romance hugging, kissing. Nonetheless I believe affection should be an everyday thing so if you pamper your spouse with romantic love, family with agape love 24/7 then Valentine’s Day will be like any other day. I believe the colour of your home should be ‘red’ throughout the year and not only on Val. Day.

Nations have foreign policy just as individuals have principles guiding their affairs, what’s your relationship constitution like? Excellent relationship with your spouse can be achieved if you allow open and honest communication to be your manual. Be respectful and respectable and your spouse will have every reason to respect and trust you. “I love you,” is as easy as shoveling rice down the tummy but as difficult (for men) as taking fresh okra soup without it protesting, retreating, trying to avoid being buried alive but incidentally that’s your fiancée or wife’s best and most romantic song – not Celine Dion’s My Heart will Go On. The song refreshes her heart, updates her mind on the health of your relationship, an insurance, and assurance of safety and emotional security, our fundamental needs in love and life by expansion. Believe me she’ll appreciate your effort with a Grammy Award even if no newspaper reports it. If you communicate openly, honestly and regularly you’ll know about your spouse’s personality, sexuality, likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies name it.

Our world is full of suspense and as such so interesting and riveting. Life is about change and change is a stable variable in life. Moon and noon are secret lovers, heat and cold are neighbours; in fact few weeks back we were experiencing our version of winter in Nigeria now heat has collected the baton and she’s speaking Latin as it were and we all including comic actor Baba Latin can’t understand and come to terms.

Give a man 2K when his pocket is empty, hungry and roaring, he sees as 20K give him 20K when his pocket is pregnant he sees as 2K. If your football team is leading another with one goal margin and the losing side seems to be on the offensive then time becomes slower than a snail just discharged at National Orthopaedic Hospital Igbobi but for the one whose team is trailing behind, time seems too fast. To the neutral spectator, however time is neither. A classic case of different strokes for different folks! A man just sacked at his place of work might begin to manufacture sweat as if a poor (sorry pure) water factory is in dire need of it. Don’t forget the man was in an air-conditioned facility.

Gravity shows his pattern of behaviour by grounding the pen you throw to your daughter if she couldn’t ‘Enyeama’ it. The law of sequence and order make a baby crawl before walking and finally running. If you don’t make hay while the sun shines you’d likely end up slaving when others are sleeping! Many intangible things are indispensable yet calm and composed same way some rich people live ‘codedly’ and appear like the average Nura who sells suya  in Minna.

Love, trust, joy are typical examples of intangible things in life. Love is such a powerful yet mysterious phenomenon that could change events, circumstances in a jiffy it can convert a wealthy, influential man to a weakling in a split second, the hunter to the hunted. I remember the case of an armed-robber in 2012 that fell in love with the housemaid of the owner of the house they had robbed. His eyes saw and assessed the lady and sent an email to his brain which weighed his options and saw the possibility of kicking off a romantic relationship with her so they exchange mobile contacts but that was probably the biggest mistake of his life. He was arrested and later vomited the names and identities of all his gang members. Women detectives could be used as baits to trap and arrest notorious criminals. Love is temptations yet so sweet. Dolly Parton compares love with butterfly in one of her favourite tracks. Rich or wealthy men in their late 60s and 70s sometimes marry ladies in their 20s and some school of thought claim that money actually manufactures love because love is a feeling and money affects our feelings – whether good or bad! True or false?

Men are passionate about beauty; women about money so it’s easy for a man to fall in love with a beautiful woman and a woman with a rich man. Nonetheless a woman’s beauty could capture my attention but only her heart and mind can sustain that attention. Former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar is a Wazobia husband for he has Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo wives! My African-American friend has an adorable dog that she loves so much and pamper like a baby, in fact she calls herself the dog’s mommy! This type of affection is not unusual in the US and I don’t have to be an animal activist to cherish her lifestyle down here!

Mr. Toyota in Hiroshima, Japan donated one of his kidneys to save the life of his darling wife, reason? Love. Cassandra in California resigned and left her lucrative banking job to attend to her husband’s rehabilitative needs after undergoing a open-heart surgery, the culprit – love! Filmmakers the world over produce movies on the subject of love and many turn out to be bestsellers. Yet love remains a mystery, higher than Mount Everest, bigger than Russia.

Contemporary musicians refused to be cavemen in our fast-paced world. Many of their love songs were record breakers, bestsellers, typical examples are Tubaba’s African Queen, Paul Play’s Angel of My Life. Davido’s Aye some musicians even went as far as creating imaginary names for detailed self-expression. Remember Style-Plus Olufunmi, Brackets’ Nana, Junior & Pretty’s Bolanle. Mavin crew swelled the list with Adaobi, Yemi Alade researched and created Johnny. Sunny Neji took the matter of love further with his marriage anthem, Oruka, Tosin Martins made a mark at weddings with Olo Mi and the sensation of the moment Marry me by Falz which highlights the variables in waiting endlessly for long overdue proposal and eventual marriage. In spite of all these the subject of love get’s interesting, engaging day after day. When will women’s traditional hard-to-get tactics become obsolete? He waited for months maybe years for you to accept him and his love proposal so please don’t blame him if he’s playing ‘hard-to-propose marriage.’ Just kidding!

Love affects all – Dr. Carver who had phobia for cadaver in medical school and was planning to say bye-bye to his future medical career had a change of mind when his girlfriend, Rose told him categorically that she can’t marry any other person but a medical doctor like her. If you’re gorgeous you’re a 100 level celebrity and peradventure you find yourself in entertainment then you become honey that attracts the ants of the opposite gender. Beach-faced Matthew Tatum, George Clooney, Will Smith would have an idea of what I’m talking about same with diamond-faced Juliet Ibrahim, Yvonne Okoro and Aishwarya Rai. So how do you separate beans from bean weevils? Painstakingness! God created Adam and Eve and designed their sex tools but I don’t think he taught Adam how to make love to Eve.

The big passion and obsession around love is triggered most times by sex just as the financial gains, perks of office and corruption make the average Nigerian politician hungry, greedy and desperate for power which makes our politics a do-or-die affair but oga politician where were you 100 years ago; where would you be in 100 years time? Use that as the cognitive base to process all your political dealings and undertakings now and in the future!

Just as moon and noon are in proximity, love and lust are neighbours so the relationship triangle of Love, Lust and Sex is responsible for the obsession, compulsion encompassing romantic relationships. As powerful as Samson was he was a pawn in the palm of Delilah. Filmmakers unknowingly underscore what Samson did as chronicled in the bible when one man (the actor) fights and kill hundreds maybe thousands of people. Things happening now had happened in the days of yore! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky saga in the late 90s. Many prominent clerics abroad and Nigeria had had their fair share of scandal as a result of their involvement, engagement and entanglement in this triangle.

The long and short of all these is that as beautiful as love is it could be disastrous if not well managed, therefore love the right way and live the blessed way. Wishing you the very best this season and always. Happy Val! To my young adults don’t leave your head at home while you go on that eventful date!

•Olayemi J Ogunojo is the digital-age relationship cum life coach, public/motivational speaker and freelance journalist.

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