STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
Hello lovely peeps, hope you all had a great week? I am always very happy to be in touch with you and so glad I’m able to make a positive change in many lives as revealed in the text messages/emails I now receive on a daily basis from many of you. A rather troubled sister who finds it difficult to forget the past and face her beautiful future sent me a text a few weeks back and so I am discussing a topic which I believe would help not only the girls but everyone of every age-group as it’s a situation which has grounded a lot of people. Happy reading!
I lost my virginity 10 years ago and I am 20 years old now. I am in love with a guy who has proposed to marry me and I’ve been lying to him that I lost my virginity because I was raped. I was never raped. What happened was that my mother left us and ran away when I was 6 years old and I had to go and stay with my grandma. She brought in a distant relative to stay with us. I was too young to know that the lady was a prostitute. She was always taking me to men who would “play with me”. One day, a man “used me” and I saw blood coming out of my vagina. I didn’t know what it meant till I got to form 2 in secondary school when I learnt more about virginity. I cried so badly as it hurt me deeply. However, I gave my life to God at 16 and He’s shown me great love. But right now, I am still grievously hurt by my childhood experience. To worsen things, my guy insists on knowing how many men I’ve slept with as he’s a Pastor and wants to be sure he’s not getting married to someone who has been passed around. I find it very hard to tell him all what happened as I love him very much and don’t want to lose him.
You didn’t tell a lie. Penile penetration of a child aged 12 years and under is automatically rape whether the child believes they consented or not. No matter what you said, what you signed, how you responded, how your body reacted a child of 12 years and under cannot give consent to sexual interactions with anyone. We all have different attitudes to issues of life. You may not want to let him know what you went through in your childhood. In the first place, true love doesn’t care about the past. However, if a spouse-to-be insists on knowing some certain information about the woman he’s spending the rest of his life with, it is very foolish to lie about it. It’s better to speak the truth than for him to find out in future when you are married. If it’s a grave issue, it could land you into serious trouble and God may not appear on time because you turned your back against Him by lying in the first instance. If you speak the truth and the man refuses to go on with the relationship/marriage, then expect a super man – many times better than him as a compensation from God as long as you’ve re-traced your steps. However, you must forget the past.
The past already happened; perpetually living there does you no good. Learn as many lessons from that occurrence then let it go. You will never be able to change it, however, you need to live in the now. Most often we feel a lot of anger towards someone for something they did to us or for their failure to do something for us. Or one of or both our parents treated us badly as a child. Whatever the reason, we are unforgiving and that precisely is the reason that a past event can engross our mind to the exclusion of other thoughts. That is unhealthy mentally unless we learn to forgive and free ourselves. If your mind is clogged with bitterness and you keep feeling guilty and sorrowful, how can you be happy and enjoy the goodies life has for you?
My darling, at 20, I think you are too young to be choked with man-trouble. I am very sure you have not even discovered yourself and yet to be done with your studies. Be happy and wallow in the wonderful opportunities you can have from God since you are His friend. Concentrate on your destiny and the best men will run after you if this one decides to leave you. Let this experience set you up to be a better, stronger, smarter person now. Now here’s a bear hug to you and other sisters who are haunted by their past and labeled all sorts…hmmm. I hope I was able to squeeze out the pall in your heart? Wipe your tears…smile. Now clap for yourselves because you are starting on a clean virtuous slate. Hip, hip, hip…hurray!
According to Mike Norton, “Master yourself, and become king of the world around you. Let no odds, chastisement, exile, doubt, fear, or any mental virii prevent you from accomplishing your dreams. Never be a victim of life; be it’s conqueror.”
Don’t tell an older person than you that he or she is a liar. It is serious violation of good breeding to tell an elder to his face that he or she is not telling the truth.
Tips on motherhood (For mothers)
When you are rather unfair or act irrationally, be able to admit that you may have been wrong and don’t hesitate to apologize. It not only saves you the trouble of some form of hostility but it teaches your children that it is ok ay to make mistakes as well as the importance of an apology. Even if you cannot apologize out rightly, you may at least explain the reason for your action.
Proverb of the week
It’s those ugly caterpillars that turn into beautiful butterflies after seasons. ~African Proverb
For our sisters in captivity
Oh God, let your wonder-working power be released on the situation of our sisters in Sambisa forest and disgrace the enemies of Nigeria. Amen.
Chastity does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital sex. Stay chaste!
Miss Temilolu O.Okeowo is the founder of Girls Club of Nigeria an NGO for girls of secondary school age aimed at influencing a positive change. She published her debut-book for girls-THE BEAUTY OF LIFE as an undergraduate and has other books and publications. She was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2003 and is a Certified Forensics Examiner.
DAY COMEDIANS, ON-AIR PRESENTERS KICKED MALARIA OUT AT CAMPOS STADIUM
The World Malaria Day was marked last Sunday again in a special way. Malaria parasites were booted out of the country in a football match by a team of comedians and newsmen (presenters) from the tube. The match was organised and sponsored by 3ra’Fique Communication in conjunction with Good Knight Household of Insecticides in commemoration of the day.
In the second edition of the novelty football match that took place at Campos Mini Stadium, Lagos Island, the stars-studded comedian team included I Go Save, Bovi, Baba de Baba, Shakara, Babah Kay, Mr. Makati, Senior Lecturer, Elenu, Tomiwa, Bishop, Chief Falake, Laff-up, Ogun’s Baba, Uche, Otega, Odogun and Mc Koloman. There were some others on the reserve bench.
The TV/Radio Presenters team had Frank Edoho, Dotun Kayode (Cool FM), Nedu (Wazobia FM), DJ Gosporella, Jimi (Cool FM), Deji Faremi (Cool FM) Mc Abby (Wazobia FM) and Irabor Okosun among others.
All stars displayed their skills in the round leader made of Malaria parasites. In the end, the On-Air-Presenters team trounced the comedians with 3-1.
Frank Edoho, Jimi of Cool FM were too hot for the comedians to handle. Nevertheless, Shakara got a consolatory goal for coach, Princess, and his side before the end of the match, which the commentator, Yaw, described as incredibly superlative.
At the end of the first half of the match, Irabor Okosun, the Chief Executive Officer of 3ra’fique Communication, discussed with the two coaches, Princess and Oluwababe, and it was agreed that their teams would join spectators and take penalty kicks against malaria.
Meanwhile, a two-day malaria test conducted and malaria drugs were given to the people free by the organisers at Silverbird Galleria, Victoria Island, Lagos.
No fewer than 1,800 people cutting across different target segments were tested, treated and counseled. More than 800 cans of Good Knight insecticide and mosquito Net were freely distributed during the campaign.
Okosun, however, explained that the initiative tagged ‘Join the Cast’ is aimed at leveraging on the appeal of football to continuously galvanize mobilization within communities against Malaria, disseminating Malaria prevention messages, preaching against self-medication among other things.
NADIA BUARI DUMPS JIM IYKE?
The current rumour in the mill is that popular Ghanaian actress, Nadia Buari, might have dumped her lover boy, Jim Iyke, over the latter’s uncontrollable temperament. All had not been well with the relationship, which could be described as unstable allegedly due to Iyke’s bad temper.
Tired of the inconsistency in the flow of the feeling from the heart, the Ghana-born actress reportedly dropped the bombshell telling Jim Iyke she could no longer live with his temperament.
A Ghanaian entertainment website, GhanaCelebrities.Com, revealed that Nadia released a statement to the effect that the relationship had been strained to irreconcilable point.
The report read as follows: “It took us quite a long time to buy into the speculation that Nadia
Buari and Jim Iyke were not only banging mates, but were truly in a relationship. Even when our sources close to Nadia Buari confirmed to
us that she was in a real relationship with Jim Iyke, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to accept this – and always wondered how Nadia Buari was going to handle Jim Iyke’s temper.
“We only truly accepted that their relationship was real when our sources at a hotel they both stayed in at East Legon also mentioned that Jim and Nadia were hiding there in one room, splashing what seems like love all over the place. But that was then!
“For those who said the Nadia Buari and Jim Iyke’s relationship was not going to last, we are somehow sorry to say; you were RIGHT.
“Nadia Buari has ended her relationship with Jim Iyke, citing his bad temper as the main reason.
“According to our sources close to Nadia Buari, even though the actress tried to cope and handle Jim Iyke’s temper, she felt like she cannot change Jim and there was no point hanging in there.
“In fact, our sources mentioned that Nadia Buari had more arguments and fights with Jim Iyke than any sort of decent conversation.
“The source said: “The relationship has ended and if you see them together again, then they are trying hard to play the media. She just can’t take his temper anymore, so she has ended it. It is not worth it for her and all that she thought Jim could do for her career did not also materialize.
“We are happy that this disproportionate relationship with no sense of direction has come to an end. At least, Nadia Buari can sit down and
focus on her career, until she finally meets a man who will treat her like the queen that she is – or else, before she knows, she will be ‘Solanging’ Jim over his temper”
TOBACCO SMOKING AMONGST UNIVERSITY STUDENTS
May 31st of every year is a day dedicated to champion the fight against tobacco smoking and it’s called “World No Tobacco Day.” Tobacco is a substance prepared from the nicotine-rich leaves of Nicotiana plant processed by drying and fermenting for smoking or chewing. Tobacco smoking is a habit that induces ill-health which many young adults particularly university students in Nigeria indulge in. They believe that life on campus is synonymous to unbridled freedom the hallmark of human rights.
Smoking is one of the instant contributing factors to peoples’ ill health and sudden death. It’s a negative habit and like every negative habit it has negative implications and these are gastrointestinal disorders, cardiovascular diseases, respiratory disease, body odour, hypertension, halitosis (mouth odour) cancer of the mouth and throat, gum disease and even death.
World Health Organization (WHO) confirmed that smoking as a habit is on the increase and that by the year 2020, tobacco use will cause 11% of all deaths in developing countries. Tobacco smoking amongst university undergraduates in Nigeria is on the increase. Study on age, level in school and gender differences as determinants of knowledge, attitude to and practice of tobacco smoking was conducted amongst undergraduate students of the University of Lagos. One thousand, seven hundred and ninety five (1,795) male and female students were sampled, 10% of the total population.
Data were analyzed using ANOVA with multiple comparisons, T-test and Content Analysis. The findings show that though students had significant knowledge of the health implications of tobacco smoking their attitude towards quitting remained unchanged (46.6%). The study further shows that 27.4% of 16-18years age bracket engage in tobacco smoking compared to other age brackets. This research shows that university students less than 20 years engage in the habit.
The Population Division of the United Nations affirmed that all youths from age zero to fourteen (0-14) would be active smokers by 2025, unless urgent action is taken to curb it. To complement the questionnaire used for the study, FGD was also used and it revealed that majority of the respondents were aware of the inherent danger of continuous smoking but need smoking-cessation intervention.
The findings show the need for continuous enlightenment of respondents on the health implications of tobacco smoking in order to develop a healthy lifestyle. Nigeria is among the thirty two (32) countries where tobacco smoking takes high precedence in the world.
As a result of active smoking 58.8 million deaths occur globally of which 5.4 million are due to tobacco consumption reported amongst all age groups. For instance, in April 2012, over two hundred kids were found to have learnt how to smoke Indian hemp in a town called Ayeye in Oyo State.
Smoking is a lifestyle of some people who try to experiment because of peer influence, parental influence, environmental factors or even adventure. It has been predicted by various researchers that 1.5 to 1.9 billion people will smoke by the year 2025. In view of this, efforts should be intensified on tobacco education and cessation programmes, most importantly among students in secondary schools and tertiary institutions across the nation.
Akinloye A.O is a lecturer at the University of Lagos, and doubles as a School/Community Health Consultant.