STUDENTS IN THE SCHOOL OF SADNESS (II)
Happy Father’s day, wonderful fathers. You are the first man in our lives and you’ll always remain very special and precious to us till eternity. I ought to do a father’s day special today because of the very crucial role you play in our lives. However, I have to continue this topic and would serve you a very special meal when I am through with this. Thanks for understanding.
Childhood and adolescence ought to be the most enjoyable part in everyone’s life as it is free from worries, tensions and the distractions that come along with a matured person’s life. One could also be right to say the teen age is the most confusing time in the life of any human being and could bring about perpetual mood swings. Happiness is an emotion triggered by circumstances. It describes that bubbly feeling you get inside when everything is going your way. Yet, it could be transient, unpredictable and undependable because of the unpredictability of life. Even if it seems to be running from you, you must be determined to catch it and tie it to your soul because in it lays the miracle that will turn things round for good and pave way for the best days of your life. Unknown to many, being happy against all odds brings out the best in you and works wonders. Sadness on the other hand paints life in different shades of gray and makes it a dark abyss, most unenjoyable and very tiresome. As discussed last week, a lot of adolescents (and even you- dad, mum, sister, aunty, uncle, grandma and grandpa) could be much happier if only they dropped the unnecessary and uncomfortable baggage they seem so attached to. Here are a few more examples of such baggage which you may still be carrying about and suggestions on how to leave them behind.
1. Living in the Past
Most often we feel a lot of anger towards someone for something they did to us or for their failure to do something for us. It could have made an enormous difference in our life if they had not done or had done that thing for us. There are times we harbor a feeling of sadness and guilt about something we did or didn’t do. It’s a waste of time and energy. Perhaps you disclosed to a friend some highly personal information which you later regretted telling. Perhaps, even when you vowed to keep your virginity till your wedding night, you broke the vow, slept with a number of guys and feel very cheap. Whatever the reason, we are unforgiving and that precisely is the reason that a past event can engross our mind to the exclusion of other thoughts. This is very unhealthy mentally. Such feelings of guilt and sorrow can only continue to haunt us for as long as we remember or think of it. What is done cannot be undone. It happened in the past and the past cannot be undone. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Free yourself from all the mental and emotional pain. Throw the past in the bin and allow some fresh air into your life.
2. You hold grudges
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain
Holding a grudge has about the same logic as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. You are harming yourself by carrying all of that negative energy. Let the bitterness go… for your own benefit. Forget about the painful embarrassment your friends caused you when they spread that stinking rumour about you. And please stop moaning over the silly boy who dumped you for another girl you know, or those who criticized you unfairly at some point or the other. They probably are having a great time without giving you a second thought, while you waste your life sending them death rays with your mind. Instead of grudging your sister for being your parents’ favorite, why don’t you concentrate on your sterling qualities and wallow in it? It would take your mind off them and bring out the very best of you which they probably never knew existed.
3. You have a victim mentality
The victim mentality is a very destructive mindset which tends to attract negativity and indeed deprive you of happiness. It is characterized by an attitude of blaming and complaining. . If you live your life as a victim, you also believe the lie that you have no power to change it. That’s not a way to embrace a meaningful existence. Why must you always feel you are not good enough? Quite frankly, this negative mindset may have set in since your childhood, however, you have the power to change it, otherwise, life will box you in a very tight corner and heap all sorts of horrible baggage on you. Worse still, you may never be able to fight your way out. Change your faulty belief systems and empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions and the corresponding reactions you encounter. Never give your power away to someone else. Don’t worry, in a short while, I’ll do a special on victim mentality and give you some tips on how to conquer it.
To be concluded next week.
Fathers Dearest, we love you and pray you live long enough to see the “wonderful wonders” we shall become! Amen.
Tips on motherhood (For mothers)
Get interested in your children’s friends, their back grounds and what they do when they hang out together by being friendly and accommodating.
Don’t open and read the contents of another person’s diary, mail, or any written document unless he or she has granted you permission to do so.
Quote of the week
“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.”
For our sisters in captivity
Chariots of heaven, arise, shake the heavens, the earth, the seas and the dry land of Sambisa, release our sisters and disgrace the enemies of Nigeria. Amen.
Chastity does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital sex. Stay chaste!
Miss Temilolu O.Okeowo is the founder of Girls Club of Nigeria an NGO for girls of secondary school age aimed at influencing a positive change. She published her debut-book for girls-THE BEAUTY OF LIFE as an undergraduate and has other books and publications. She was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2003 and is a Certified Forensics Examiner.