Temilolu’s Girls (Sunday, June 22)
Sisters dearest and everybody wonderful, permit me to greet you in my language today- se alafia ni ewa? Se gbogbo e ‘ndun? (I hope you are in good health and I hope all is jolly?). So shall it be. In the last few weeks, we’ve been discussing what could make adolescents unhappy and it will be concluded today. However, I decided to publish a few of the many text messages coming from you. I really should do that very often but honestly, I get so engrossed in pouring out my heart on the present pitiable mental state of the Nigerian girl. All will certainly be well and we at Girls Club believe no matter the adverse combination of circumstances, every girl has the potential and energy to make the most of her life and practically have the world at her feet. All they need is to be encouraged to be on the right path. A lot of them never meant to be bad but because they found themselves in a confused state and a lot of adults are past caring about what happens to the younger ones around them. As long as you read this column every week, we believe you’ll contribute to the lives of the girls around you and ensure they lead a morally-upright life.
Temi, you are doing a great work by raising a voice for the Nigerian girl. I am an adherent follower of your column because I make a library of it for my daughter who is in school to read whenever she’s home on holiday. Keep the good flag flying.
Hello Temi, I am a guy not a girl. I however, want to say “well done” for encouraging our girls against pre-marital sex. Nigeria will be better morally with the likes of you!
Hello Temi, I think you are doing a great job. I’m a guy and most girls I interact with these days really lack self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe more of your pep talk will do wonders. Great job! I appreciate your work, “but no bi only girls oo…we need ‘em too.”
6. You keep thinking about your future and can’t enjoy today.
You spent 9 months in your mother’s womb…fast forward…6 years in primary school, 6 years in secondary school….What makes you think you must achieve your goals or dreams and highest aspirations just with a snap of your fingers? Some people focus so much on the stars that they miss the entire journey’s sights, experiences, and lessons learned in getting there. Find as much joy in the adventure as in obtaining the end goal. If you don’t, you will be frustrated until your future vision is reality. Since this may or may not happen, why limit yourself when you can find just as much happiness in the quest as in the destination? Remember, what will be, will be. However, keep working at it and believe you’ll get there.
7. You have no real friends
“Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.”
While your world may be full of acquaintances, if you don’t have a few close friends that will stick by you no matter how rough the storm is and make you feel great when you are down and out, you will find yourself in a sad state. In fact, most friends are unfriendly. They are the ones who pull you down right in your face and make you feel you are just wasting your time being alive. They make a show of your weaknesses and belittle you at every opportunity. They are the one who spread bad tales about you. You know them. Why would they stand by you when you need some warmth? Please chuck them out of your life and find some true friends who will always be there. You will feel more confident in your future by knowing that you will always have support.
8. You’re impatient
Patience is a must-have virtue for your journey through life otherwise you may get lost in transit. We want to reach our goals, have successful relationships and achieve personal peace; a must for us to be fulfilled in life. However, we must not forget that anything worthwhile and of importance cannot take place right away. It takes time, dedication and effort to achieve. It’s so hard to wait, but sometimes that’s all you can do. When you learn to approach times where circumstances force you to slow down, try to keep a positive outlook on the situation. After all, the time will pass either way; you can choose to be calm and take your time to make the best decision, or you can make a hasty turn that takes you down a much worse road.
In conclusion, you are too young to be unhappy. You need to enjoy your youth while it lasts because there are challenges waiting for you in future and quite frankly a lot that could make you very unhappy if you allow them to. You may have your heart not broken but mangled (laughs) by a boy friend, your most trusted friend may betray you, you may be lied against and even punished for doing no wrong. Someone who is meant to look after you may cheat you or take your inheritance and to worsen things, the world- including those you love most may be on his/her side, your husband may cheat on you, your children…I could go on and on. It’s a crazy world. Be happy joo!
Tips on motherhood (For mothers)
Teach your children never to compromise their integrity for money, power or fame. Let them know that it pays to be hardworking and short cut leads nowhere.
Do apologize instantly if you bump into someone or you mistakenly step on his or her toes.
For our sisters in captivity
Chariots of heaven, arise, shake the heavens, the earth, the seas and the dry land of Sambisa, release our sisters and disgrace the enemies of Nigeria. Amen.
Chastity does not belong to the past. It saves you a lot of trouble, preserves your beautiful destiny and stands you out from the crowd. You are better off not engaging in pre-marital sex. Stay chaste!
Miss Temilolu O.Okeowo is the founder of Girls Club of Nigeria an NGO for girls of secondary school age aimed at influencing a positive change. She published her debut-book for girls-THE BEAUTY OF LIFE as an undergraduate and has other books and publications. She was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2003 and is a Certified Forensics Examiner.